Your One Stop Shop About Pronouns and How to be a Pronoun Professional

Step one: Go you for reading this! Inquiring is the first step to being on your way to a pronoun professional! Here are some basics that you can learn about and how to develop the way you interact with people to be more inclusive.

What are Personal Pronouns?

These are the way we refer to ourselves in conversation when we are not using our names. Common terms are he/him/hers, she/her/hers and they/them/their ( others include ze/zir, per/pers, ey/em, xe/xem, ze/hir or no pronoun at all). Using someone’s correct personal pronouns is a way to respect them and create an inclusive environment, just as using a person’s name can be a way to respect them.

How do I know a Person’s Pronouns?

The easiest and best way is to ask them! If you are introducing yourself for the first time, you can say “Hello my name is _ and my preferred pronouns are _”. Does this sound weird? Sure. But that is because this hasn’t been commonplace. However, doing this not only gives an opportunity for others to give their pronouns but also gives an inclusive message to all people in the conversation. Other places that are helpful to include your pronouns include your email signature, or anywhere you put your name. (ex: ppt presentation, authorship of an article, etc).

If someone doesn’t offer pronouns you can either ask them directly, or use a gender neutral pronoun until an alternative is offered. A simple “what are your preferred pronouns?” will suffice. Do NOT assume and/or assign/guess a pronoun. Even if it is correct, you are evaluating a person based on their outward appearance and what you assume a person with that pronoun would look like.

How the F Do I use “They”?

Contrary to what you might think. ”They” CAN be used in the singular form to refer to one entity or being. When you conjugate this pronoun, you still use plural words (“They are” instead of “They is”). It sounds a little weird for new users but you will quickly pick up the hang of it. Here is an example: “They are a student and go to Penn State University. They wrote that paper themself. Those ideas are theirs. I like them.” If you want practice, try using this pronoun when referring to nature. (“Look at that squirrel over there. They seem to be building a nest. I wonder what they are building it for”). Beware, this may make you aware of how many times people use “he/him” pronouns on items and creatures.

What if I Make a Mistake?

If you make a mistake, it’s ok! It is hard to expect perfection when we are all trying to re-wire our brains to incorporate previously ignored language. Your brain has spent years trying to use only two types of pronouns and now that you are changing it up, you are bound to slip up. SO, when you do, just a simple correction will usually suffice. Example:
“Brandon has been working hard on this project. He-excuse me-They have really done a great job”. The important thing is that 1) you noticed and 2) you corrected yourself. If you realize you made a mistake after the fact you can pull aside the person and say “I just wanted to apologize for using the wrong pronoun back there. I remember that you go by she/her pronouns and I will do my best to incorporate those in the future”. And that’s it. The most important part of this is to then let it go. Do not go into a long winded “I can’t believe I messed it up I have been trying so hard” when all you are accomplishing is making the person feel guilty for your mistake. The best is really the most simple. Recognize, apologize, re-prioritize, move on.

That’s it for intro to pronouns! Get to practicing and keep being committed to making an inclusive community and sooner or later you will be a pronoun professional!

Dawn
They/Them